“When I go to meet with a man,” wrote President Abraham Lincoln, “I spend one-third of my time thinking about what I am going to say, and two-thirds of my time thinking about what he is going to say.”

Lincoln certainly had a masterful understanding of human character, and an unusual knack for being able to influence others. His quip highlights a major problem with many highly educated professionals: Sometimes, we are so full of our own thoughts and ideas that we have trouble listening to and engaging the other person. The result is that we don’t get the most out of our conversations.

Here are 19 conversational techniques that will improve your ability to listen to and understand others:

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