I recently met with a client of mine, a managing partner at a large professional firm, to discuss an upcoming workshop with a group of his partners. "Please don't tell them that they have to become best friends with their clients!" he told me, adding, "It'll terrify them and they will tune out right then and there."

Lurking behind his comment is a common fear about getting "too personal" with clients. Many highly trained professionals, I have found, are fearful about how and when, if-ever, to shift the conversation to more personal issues. We're all quite comfortable discussing market trends or an interesting piece of analysis that we just completed, but turn the subject to the personal realm and things become a bit scary.

No one has to become best friends--or even friends--with clients. But as I've pointed out before, to be an effective advisor, you have to understand your clients as people. If you haven't built personal trust and don't understand their aspirations, goals, and personal values, it will be hard to offer effective, tailored advice.

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